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I honestly debated whether or not I was
going to write a post. However, today is #BellLetsTalk day in Canada. Starting
eight years ago, Bell’s Let’s Talk day helps create a new conversation about
mental health.
The Canadian Mental Health Association’s
statistics on mental health in Canada are:
·
1 in 5 people in Canada will
personally experience a mental health problem or illness
·
By the age of 40, around 50% of
the population will have or have had a mental illness
·
Anxiety disorders affect 5% of
the household population, causing mild to severe impairment
·
Suicide accounts for 24% of all
deaths among 15-24 year olds and 16% amount 25-44 year olds.
(statistics were found here)
Mental illness has always been a major
factor in my life. When I was six years old, my grandpa went through a mental breakdown
that caused him to be in a psychiatric hospital. Initially, he was diagnosed
with late onset schizophrenia but his diagnosis was later changed to early
onset Lewy Body dementia. From the time I was six until he passed away when I
was seventeen, I spent my time visiting him in at Ontario Shores where he was in and
out of the hospital due to the behaviours related to his dementia. He also went
through electroconvulsive therapy weekly from 2000 until 2008, when he started
having seizures as a side effect from the therapy. After the seizures started
then with my grandma being diagnosed with cancer, he had to be placed in Ontario
Shores, due to his uncontrollable behaviours, until his death.
Until I was thirteen or fourteen, I didn’t
realize what Ontario Shores truly was. There were times that I hated going to
see my grandpa there because as a teenager, I never understand why the people
there acted the way that they did. My grandpa passed away in 2010, but mental
health has always been so incredibly important to me since my teens because of
him.
I was diagnosed with anxiety in my teen
years, but never really felt a major impact until my twenties. In late 2013 and
early 2014, I participated in multiple studies that showed a co-relation
between congenital heart disease and anxiety. Studies came back and it proved
that there is a strong prevalence of both. I have always struggled with the
stress of not knowing my future, what my life expectancy will be, if I’ll be
able to have a career until 65, if I’ll be able to carry kids and most importantly
– if I’ll ever need a fifth open heart surgery. These studies honestly made my anxiety so much
worse because they made me worry about things that I really shouldn’t have been
worrying about; such as if I had a will or a power of attorney, just in case something happened to me with my heart.
Flash forward to 2017. I had a lot going on
at the end of the year; my parents separated after 26 years of marriage, I
constantly felt ill but my doctor’s weren’t listening and I was having difficulties with relationships in my life. Right before
Christmas, I had a breakdown. I was on my lunch break at work, was on the phone
with my best friend and suddenly started to have the worst anxiety attack of my
life. I had to go home from work that day early. I ended up going to my friend’s
house crying because I didn’t understand what was happening or why. I
finally realized that it was because everything had just been piling up so much
that I couldn’t handle it anymore. I hadn’t had a chance to even digest
everything going on in my life.
When I got home that night, I sat in my bed
and cried for hours. I don’t think I even got a wink of sleep that night. I was
ready to go sign myself into a psychiatric unit because I just knew I couldn’t
handle anything anymore and I started to feel as though I wanted to die. Even
my cat meowing was enough to trigger me into an anxiety attack because
everything was just bothering me. Nothing seemed to be okay. My mom talked me
through all my issues, messaged my friends on Facebook to let them know what
was going on, called my dad to let them know how I was feeling.
I finally saw my family doctor the week
after Christmas and we had a really good talk about my mental health. I would
be lying if I said I don’t have any triggers, if loud noises don’t bug me and
if big crowds of people didn’t overwhelm me. Mostly though, I would have to say
that I would be lying if I said I’m okay. However, if this has taught me
anything, it’s that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s
okay to cry. If you have chemical imbalances, it’s not a big deal to take
medication to help you.
For me, the biggest moment that everything
set in was when I was driving home from my mom’s on Christmas day and 1-800-273-8255 came on. When Alessia
Cara sings “it’s the first breath when your head’s been drowning under water”
really resonates with me. For so long, it felt like I was treading on water,
pretending it was all going to be okay. Then, mid-December, I felt myself start
to feel as though I was drowning. It really is about that first breath when you
start to get help and really realize that it’s going to be okay. I think that
is the number one thing that people with anxiety, or any mental illness needs
to realize.
The stigma behind mental illness has come
miles since my grandpa was diagnosed with his in 1999. It still has a long way
to come, though. Since 2010, Bell Let’s
Talk has raised $86,504,429.05. That’s amazing. Here are five ways to help
people with mental illness. Today, let’s talk. As a society, we have come so far but we still have so much further
to come.
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